I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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