she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
