I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just googled if crying burns calories
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
