I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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