dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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