I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
