ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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