you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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