Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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