listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
