I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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