We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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