I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Even my vagina gasped.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
