Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
