um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
