i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
