If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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