Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
