Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
