Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
