Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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