My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
