What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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