We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize