She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I CAN MOONWALK!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
