Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
