I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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