My nipple is on Facebook.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
