I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
