Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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