Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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