You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
