I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
