Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
there is glitter all over my balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
