I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
