so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
