yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
