K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
