Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
