I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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