just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
