mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
