I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
