We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
