my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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