can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
