it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
