Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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