If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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