im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
