She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
