went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
