I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
