I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What drink are we having for lunch?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
