its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
