i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
