I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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