he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
