you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
