can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
