drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
