I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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