I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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