last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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