So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize