Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
