If that was your dad, he is hot
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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