Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
