yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
