sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
