Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
