Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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