i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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