I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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