bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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