I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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